Paring: Spander, baby. All the way
Rating: NC17 for strong language and M/M sexual content
Warnings: See above. All that and a bag of chips
Disclaimer: The Bee claims no profit off the characters or products used in this story.
However, the Bee does own the story itself. Please do not take without asking.
Summary: During a night of celebrating his newly purchased property, a rundown farm
house, Xander has one too many and is stopped for DUI. With the jails already overcrowded,
he finds himself on house arrest in that very same delapidated, isolated house. With one
surprise. His house is not as empty as he thought. There are vampire squatters living in the basement.
Special thanks to Naughty_Fae for the encouragement and to Silk_ Labyrinth for the
spelling and puncuation beta. Any other errors are on the Bee.
Everyone seated at the long table in the chic downtown restaurant stood and raised their
champagne glasses as they waited for Willow to give her much-practiced speech. She tapped
her butter knife on the side of her crystal goblet until she was certain she had everyone's attention.
When all the side chatter ended, she then turned to Xander and began.
"To Xander! The first of us to take the giant leap into adulthood and massive, crushing debt by
crawling out on the tenuous limb of the unknown to buy a house."
All the others, Xander included, laughed at the backhanded compliment and they used her pause to
all chime in with "To Xander!" followed by the emptying of their glasses in one big gulp. Then,
while Willow continued speaking, Buffy refilled all their drinks.
"Those of us who choose to rent small apartments, live with our parents and, ahem, mooch off
others and crash on a series of couches...," all eyes turned to an unrepentant Oz, "we salute you
Xander Harris and we wish you luck in your task of making that broken-down hovel into something
that at some point may even be fit for human habitation."
The unanimous shout was followed by Xander's stomp of feigned outrage at his friend's
assessment of his personal property.
"Hey. I'll have you know that it is NOT a dump. The realtor referred to it as a 'handyman's special.'
So considering I am a handyman, and with my experience on the construction crew, I will have
it standing tall in no time and you all will be eating your words as well as burgers and dogs on my
fancy-pants back patio."
All glasses again rose and the holders took another swallow in agreement before Buffy refilled
the glasses and everyone finally sat back down. Within minutes the waitress appeared with a huge
silver tray of platters, and the evening's feast of dining and drinking and friendship and
conversation rolled on for nearly three hours.
With each of them tied up in their own lives and occupations, it was becoming harder and harder for
the lifelong friends to coordinate their schedules and make these times happen. However, when
Willow found out that Xander had gone through closing and signed the final papers on the old Miller
farm outside of Sunnydale, it was a chance for celebrating that nothing else could take priority over.
Sitting at the head of the table, Xander proudly wore the cheap cardboard crown that Willow had
placed on his head as she proclaimed him king of Harrisville. He took a bite of his steak and chewed
as he watched her laugh at something Tara had whispered in her ear and he smiled as Willow
answered with a soft peck on Tara's lips.
Next to Tara sat Buffy. Wild, energetic and enthusiastic about everything life had to
offer. Unfortunately, her eagerness to experience whatever new idea popped into her head had
her spread thin. She held a full time job as a cosmetic salesgirl at Macy's, she was studying French
at the community college with the intent of traveling, she volunteered at the local hospital, and
she danced part time at Moran's. She claimed it was to keep fit but the others suspected she was
a bit more desperate for a husband and extra cash than she let on. At any rate, they rarely saw
At the other end of the table sat Riley. He was easy-going. Level-headed and down to earth. Right
after high school, when Xander was on a kick to join the Army, Riley had been the first one to smack
him in the back of the head with a resounding "What the fuck are you talking about? Are you fucking crazy?"
Of course Riley had been right. Xander was not military material, and soon after he had been hired
on Rayne's construction crew and was suddenly introduced to the joys of handling a different kind
of wood. Yeah, Xander grinned, Riley was a pal.
Next to Riley was Faith. Faith was the bad girl, and a bit butch. Xander had suspicions that Faith
would not be adverse to the idea of strapping on a huge, rubber dildo and fucking the shit out of
some sweet little librarian while she squealed and shouted out the Dewey Decimal System. Xander
was a man of explicit fantasies.
Unbeknownst to the others, Xander had taken a quick ride on the Faithmobile. It had occurred just
once, years ago when they were both drunk, and it came with two startling revelations. First, Xander
was either gay as fuck or Faith was just more man than he could handle, and second, after a
traumatic night like that, the best thing to do the next day is to pretend you were too drunk to recall a thing.
The conclusion? He was gay and if Faith was indicative of all women, he was thrilled not to have to be straight.
Next to Faith was Jesse. He and Jess had been best buds since they were five. Over the course of
their journey from pre-puberty to fully haired up, they seemed to stay that way out of habit rather
than mutual interest. Jesse still acted like he was thirteen years old. His idea of fun was a
whoopee cushion slipped under someone's seat or a water balloon tossed out the car window at a
passing bicyclist. Okay, that one was always a hoot, but lately Xander could feel himself
maturing beyond such trivial escapades.
He no longer wanted to talk about hooters, ta-tas, or lunching at the Y. He didn't share Jesse's interest
in comic books or even the latest Transformers movie. He just didn't share Jesse's interests at all.
Finally, as the proof that still waters do indeed run deep, there was Oz. A man of few words, Oz
seldom gave his opinion unless directly asked. If he did pass judgement, he kept his views to
himself. Oz was a hell of a poker player.
Xander drained another glass of wine and grinned like a loon that they had all found the time to
meet here and surprise him with this congratulatory dinner. Nothing in life could surpass true friends and....
"Geesh, Xan. Daydream much? I said, when do you think you will be able to move in to your new place?"
Xander pushed away his dinner plate and turned to Oz. He was delighted for the chance to discuss
his renovation plans.
"Oh, not for a long time. For right now, I am on a very tight string. I mean seriously, there is no
budge in my budget. The inheritance I got from my Uncle Rory was enough to pay for the deed to
the property but I will have to save up to afford the materials to start the work."
Oz nodded sagely. "So, when your uncle bought the farm, you did too."
Xander barked out a laugh. Leave it to Oz to spot the irony. He poured them each another drink
and settled back as he spelled out the details of the problems with the wiring and plumbing and
the suspicious state of the cellar. He was delighted that the inspection showed no major faults
or slippage in the foundation, and as an unexpected bonus, the roof didn't leak. So while the property
had a dozen major pitfalls, it also had one or two items that could be immediately crossed off the
to-do list. It wasn't a lot but it was a starting point.
"Anyway, I figured I would start by doing the living room, the kitchen, and there is a small,
downstairs butler's suite off the pantry. I'm going to use that rather than worry about renovating
the upstairs bedrooms right away."
Oz said very little but his head bobbed continuously which was all Xander really required. Then, just
as Xander was about to launch into a descriptive narrative of the outside gardens, Riley patted his
hand on the tabletop.
"Attenshun!" *hic* "Oops, screws me. I'm gotta go. I've had a couple bottles toot much and if I
drinks anymore, I gonna be drunk." *belch*
Xander glanced down at his watch and was startled to realize that they had been sitting there for
over three hours.
The others chuckled as Riley stumbled back, away from the table. Quickly, before he could lose
his balance, Faith grabbed him by the arm and righted him.
"Easy, cowboy. Come on. You are in no shape to drive. I'll take you home. I need to be heading
out too. Anybody else need a ride?"
The others muttered among themselves, comparing levels of sobriety and assessing the ability
to maneuver. Tara, who had nothing to drink past the initial toast, had come with Willow and
would drive them home. Buffy, who lived nearby, would catch a ride with them and come back for
her car in the morning. Oz and Jesse discussed hitting a night club and asked Xander to go along.
"Nah, I'm beat. Must be the backlash from the charge of signing my life away to ten acres of slavery
and a future of kick-ass."
Oz laughed and slapped him on the back.
"You are going to love every minute of working on that old place. Congrats again, Xan. See ya tomorrow."
One by one the others dropped a wad of bills on the table to pay their share of the tab and a generous
tip, as they mumbled their pride and praise of their friend's achievement before straggling out the door.
As the last to go, Xander made sure all expenses were covered and he grabbed his jacket off the back
of his chair. With a huge grin on his face, he wandered out into the cool night and headed for his car.
It was one of the last left in the parking lot. He dropped in behind the wheel and he drove away.